Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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