Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Drake has all the answers
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize