And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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