I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
