turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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