I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
