Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
