my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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