Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
