this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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