I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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