I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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