Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
