I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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