is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
