Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize