Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
