i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
