hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
