So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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