I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
