Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
