Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize