Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
