Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
