im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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