i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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