I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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