soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize