i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My liver just broke up with me...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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