I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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