im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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