Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
