no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I could fuck to npr.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
