Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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