woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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