My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ketchup is God's man juice
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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