You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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