yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
