I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
