We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
