ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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