it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
