I must be too annoying 4 u.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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