I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
