If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Text me some of your sweat
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