I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
