Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The Olympian is in my bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
