Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
