she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
