my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
