respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
