Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
