cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
