A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
dude. I can hear the air.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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