i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm like, not good at living.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
