I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
