i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
