Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
