Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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