john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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