Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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