New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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