I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
