yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you. Go after that dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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