i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
