Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
