I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
