the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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