You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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