How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
