Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
