I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
