is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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